Two weeks ago... Part 3 a.k.a. In conclusion

Ok - so by now, you've heard the saga of Chip and the Corolla.

A few weeks ago, I felt like I was having a rough day. If you haven't read Part 1 or Part 2 of this blog yet, it will help put this all into context.

With that - I know that we're all busy, so I'll sum it up to say, my dog had to have surgery to remove a cancerous tumor, and my car died. On the same day. And I love them both.

Today's post is about what happened just after these events...

In the minutes following, I hopped on a train to Brooklyn, and started working on a new CD.

Yep. A little bit weepy, and a lot stressed-out, I went to work. Because that's what you do.

You have a rough day? You go to work.

You have a great day? You go to work. 

My friend, Chris, is producing my next CD, and is a dog lover. (We're working at his new studio, which is beautiful, and I'll be sure to show videos and photos next time.) So, he totally understood that I was upset.

I arrived at the studio, trying to hold it all together, and told Chris what was going on.

He paused, gave me a sad smile, and said, 'Ok, so...let's make some f***ing great music.' 

That did it. It broke the sad and scared spell.

I laughed, he laughed, and we did.

We went to work.

And the songs that we worked on sound amazing. And I can't wait for you to hear them.

So here's the thing. 

Sometimes sad, unfortunate or scary things happen.

Your dog has cancer.

Your car dies.

And then there's a silver lining.

The surgery that you hoped would work, saved your dog. You realize how much you've learned from your dog, and you're grateful.

You got a new beautiful car. You think back on the hundreds of thousands of miles that your other car supported you through, and you're grateful.

And at the end of each day, whether it's a great day or a terrible one, I make music. With people that I know, like and trust. It's my job, and it is awesome.

Coming to this realization, after my emotional roller coaster of dogs, cars and studios... I started laughing as I hopped into the shower the following morning.

Not like, crazy person laughing, just a chuckle.

Because I thought to myself: "Well, today is going to be better, and if it isn't...I'm sure it will be fine."

So there we have it.

Healthy dog.

New car.

And new understanding of how things are really never that bad.

One final thing...my first road trip ever in my Corolla, back in 2004 when it was brand new...I landed in Colorado.

And yesterday, I finished driving, and this morning, I'm typing to you on my first road trip in my new car...from Colorado.

Seems like this is all working out just fine.

 

 

 

Two weeks ago...(Part 2)

So - if you’ve read Part 1, you know that we’ve had a crazy few weeks with Chip.

And now, here’s Part 2…

As Bryan and I were dropping Chip off for his surgery (I was really nervous for him, and freaking out a little bit) my mechanic called. 

I had decided to drive for this three week tour through the midwest and Colorado, so that Chip could come with me. Bryan was going to be away for part of the time, and we didn’t feel comfortable asking anyone to take care of Chip with his medications, cone, potential surgical complications, etc.

Chip and I hitting the road together was the best option.

Chip and I are not new to the road trip. He’s been on many tours with me, and has come to a lot of gigs. 

Since my Corolla was 12 years old, with over 205,000 miles, and I was going to be adding another 4,000, I brought my car in to my mechanic for a once over. (Which I always do, and I love my mechanic...Southport Automotive, ask for Rich, tell them Kristen sent you…they’re awesome.)

You can probably guess where this is going.

Rich called me as I was walking out of the vet. I was pretty shaken up, and Bryan and I were discussing our options for Chip.

It wasn’t the perfect moment.

It was nowhere near the perfect moment (though when would be?) to find out that my car needed more repairs than it was worth. And that it wouldn’t make the trip. And in fact, he wasn’t even sure that it would make the trip to the dealer to buy a new car.

Not great news.

On the list of things that I love, my car was just below my dog. (And both are below Bryan and music…I’m not that crazy.)

But I LOVED my car.

I bought it after college. It was my first real adult expense, and I was so proud to have it.

It safely brought me to 2,000 shows, weathered storms, survived Chips teething puppy months, and I had a perfect Tetris-like understanding of how to maximize and pack trunk space.

With mere hours before I needed to leave, I went to buy a new car.

I’m not going to go into the boring details, I will just simply say this: My experience of buying a car as a (gasp) woman, was not great.

I was talked down to by two different salesmen, and it was suggested multiple times that I check in with my husband to make any decisions. I even heard the phrase, 'happy wife, happy life', used in jest.

This is another conversation, but when men speak in a condescending tone to women, what are they hoping will happen? That the woman will swoon with gratitude that the man has explained why it's important there are four tires on a vehicle?

I speak with snark, but really...REALLY...

Anyway, I kept my cool, I was polite, and got the heck out of there as quickly as possible.

*As a word to the wise for my friends who happen to suffer the terrible coincidence of being born female - speak clearly, and when necessary, speak sternly, and you’ll be fine.*

It all worked out.

The experience wasn’t negative enough to turn me away from Toyota forever, and so…I traded in my amazing, wonderful, irreplaceable Corolla (which I lovingly referred to as the ‘Rockin Rolla’) for a new, beautiful, nicest-car-I’ve-ever-owned, Rav4 Hybrid!

I bought the car, and the next day Chip and I packed up for our adventure.

So far… 

- It has a few thousand miles on it, it will soon have many more.

- It is very clean, and I’m trying so, so hard to keep it that way.

- It has that ‘new car smell’, which I actually hate, so I’ve been driving with the windows down and the sunroof open as much as possible. (That’s right…I have a sunroof...I’m fancy, y’all!)

And, I’ve taken my years of trunk-packing experience, and developed an organizational system for the back of my car that is quite incredible. In fact, it might end up being its own blog post one day.

The Corolla and I had a great run, and I’m looking forward to the next decade or so with my Rav!

This car has no idea what it’s in for…

The hubcap-less 'Rockin Rolla' on our last day.

The hubcap-less 'Rockin Rolla' on our last day.

The new tour bus!

The new tour bus!

 

 

 

 

Two weeks ago...(Part 1)

*Warning - if you’re going to start reading this post, please read it all the way through so you get the full story!*

I am a crazy dog person.

I am so smitten with my dog, I can’t even handle it sometimes. He makes me so, so happy.

I take him on the road with me, Bryan and I trade off taking him to our work spaces, he follows us from room to room when we’re at home, and he’s very very loved.

This dog has had some adventures, and a few misadventures…

- He’s been on multiple music tours, and has been to nearly as many states as any current presidential candidate.

- He has spent many summers on the Cheyenne River Reservation in LaPlant, South Dakota. He doesn’t help with construction, but he sure boosts morale!

- He sits in on music lessons, putting students at ease. It’s much easier to laugh at yourself after making a mistake when there’s a dog in the room.

- He ate a toy as a puppy, and had to have it cut out of his stomach. The vet said his stomach lining was so irritated that she couldn’t believe that he hadn’t been crying non-stop. This is when we discovered his high tolerance for pain.

- He busted into a friend’s closet and doubled his weight in just 20 minutes after finding their dog’s unattended bag of food. (That time the vet told us she had never seen a dog's ribcage ever spread out so widely...the next day he pooped 8 times.)

- He suffered a dislocated hip, broken leg and multiple lacerations after being hit by a car on the reservation. The next day, he gave all of the kids kisses as they signed his cast.

- And most recently, we found a tumor in Chip’s mouth.

And the tumor was cancerous.

After discussing our options (Chip is only 5, he’s strong, and he has a high pain tolerance) Bryan and I made a choice, and hoped that it was the right one.

Every pet owner has to make a decision sometimes, and it’s tricky. There are a lot of factors. Money, peace, and making sure that your animal doesn’t suffer. It’s hard to figure out how to justify causing your animal pain, hoping that it will be worth it.

We made our decision, and Chip had the tumor and part of his jaw bone removed.

He recovered well, his stitches are out, and with the exception of his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth once in a while, he looks exactly the same.

And then we started the waiting game.

The vet was optimistic that they had gotten it all, and we waited for test results.

For two weeks, we waited to find out if the cancer was gone, or if it had spread.

So for these two weeks, I've reflected on how much I love Chip, and how he has made me a better person.

Here are just a few lessons that I’ve learned from this special pup.

 

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1) Ignore time. 

Chip doesn’t understand time. He has no concept of it. Whether he stays home alone for 3 minutes or 3 hours, his reaction upon my return is always the same. Tail flailing as he greets me, he’s just glad that I’m there. 

He’s never waiting for the next thing, and he doesn’t dwell on the past. He lives in the moment. He takes each moment as it comes.

This dog is a zen master.

 

2) Be an optimist.

Chip always assumes the best is about to happen.

When meeting a new person - Chip assumes that he’s going to like him or her. He’s never suspicious. He doesn’t look for someone to be dishonest or hurtful, he just thinks that every person wants to be his friend. In fact, he’s quite certain of it.

In addition - 

He never gets food from the table. NEVER. However...

When I’m eating, he hangs out at my feet just in case something slips off my plate. It never does. But he’s there.

Waiting. Hoping. Prepared. 

Just. In. Case.

 

3) Enjoy eating.

Sticking with the topic of food - 

Have you ever seen a lab eat? Granted, Chip is a lab mutt, but he has that same quality.

He LOVES to eat.

It’s one of his great joys.

As an American woman, I don’t often give myself permission to LOVE eating.

It's hard wired in my brain. I either eat healthy food because I should, or I feel guilty about eating things that I shouldn’t have.

Imagine.

Just imagine how it would feel to really enjoy every single meal.

It's one of my new life goals.

 

4) Say I love you first, and say it often.

When it comes to Chip, he shows all of his cards.

He wears his heart on his sleeve...er...fur.

He doesn't hold back his affection, he doesn't play it cool. He's never waiting to see if the other person/dog/cat/squirrel feels the same way.

He takes a chance. He puts himself out there, not worrying about what comes back to him.

He loves first.

 

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So - with all of these thoughts running through my head the last few weeks, I have realized that no matter what, the way that I look at Chip has forever changed. And whatever time we have left together, I’ll make sure that I do my best to learn as many lessons as I can from him.

Two weeks ago we brought Chip to the vet. He came home swollen and groggy, and for two weeks we kept him in the cone, kept him from running and playing, kept him quiet and calm.

For two weeks we waited to hear the results.

And with tears in my eyes, I joyfully type these words to you - they got it.

They got it all.

Chip is now tumor and cancer free.

Chip’s pathology came back clean, and I get to enjoy these lessons, and more years with my pet.

I know that many of you have met and also love Chip, and I feel very confident reminding you - he loves you too.

And for those of you who don’t know him, well, he's quite certain that he loves you.

 

Here’s to many more years of learning from the least judgmental teacher I’ve ever had.

 

(P.S. Know any dog or animal lovers? Please share this post with them! And please comment below with any of your own pet stories!)

 

Chip two weeks ago...

Chip two weeks ago...

Chip today - posing for my latest music video!

Chip today - posing for my latest music video!

Dreamers

Back in college, I had a pretty tight group of friends.

We took classes together and studied together, we went to performances and shows to support one another, we stayed up late at night discussing politics and talking about what we hoped we'd do in the world.

We were idealists and we were dreamers.

We believed that we could go out into the world and do and become something and someone that mattered.

Not because we were entitled and believed we should be able to do these things, but simply because it never dawned on us that we wouldn't be able to do what we put our minds and hearts to.

The commitment and inspiration with which we left our college years propelled us into the futures that we're now living.

My senior year of college was my favorite of these years.

I felt more confident with who I was as a person, and I was able to enjoy my friends more completely because I was starting to actually like myself.

That year, during a late-night practice session (I lived in practice rooms for much of my four years- they're the rooms where I wrote my first songs!) my friend Nathan knocked on the door.

He needed to talk to me.

He had something important to tell me.

I braced myself.

I always brace myself in these situations. I think it's human nature, but even though I find myself an optimistic person- when a conversation begins with, 'we need to talk' or, 'I need to tell you something', I immediately assume the worst.

So, I braced myself.

 

'I need to tell you that I'm gay', Nathan said.

To which I simply replied, 'I know.'

'You do!?'

 

And with huge smiles and looks of relief, we hugged, and I sang him my newest song. He knew me and I knew him better in that moment than we had before.

 

We were dreamers.

 

Nathan always believed that I'd 'make it' as a musician. He never hesitated to tell me so.

And I'm making it. And he never misses a chance to tell me that he's proud of me.

With this particular group of friends, during our many late night talks between rum & coke refills, and Oreo/ Dorito snack sessions, the topic of marriage and family would come up from time to time.

None of us were in serious relationships, so we all spoke in hypotheticals...

 

What type of person we'd love one day.

If and when we'd ever have kids.

What kinds of jobs we'd have.

Where we'd travel.

 

We were dreamers.

 

In all these conversations, it never occurred to me that Nathan didn't have the same rights at the time.

We could all hypothesize about getting married someday, but as a straight person, my hypothetical was actually legally possible. His was not.

When you're not the one lacking in rights, you tend to forget there's a lack of equality.

Nathan has a way with words. He always has. He's a talented writer, with beautiful things to say, and is always equipped with the right words and tools to say these beautiful things.

Yesterday I was privileged enough to hear these words in action as he pledged to honor, love and cherish his, now husband, Joe.

 

We're still dreamers, and yesterday, my friend's dream came true.

 

It was an incredible moment to be in a room overflowing with so much love.

At one point during the ceremony I was struck by the fact that not too long ago, this marriage was not considered valid.

Not real.

Not legal.

Not that long ago, Nathan felt scared to tell me who he truly was. He wasn't afraid of me, but he had grown up in a world where he knew that he needed to guard a part of himself.

As we were dancing last night, I took a few breaks to hit up the dessert table, refill my drink (no longer rum & coke), and rest my feet.

At one point, I looked over and saw everyone dancing. I couldn't stop the tears at the beautiful sight of so many loving friends dancing together.

There were couples of all different shapes, sizes, colors, and genders. There were amazing dancers, and there were people who cannot find the beat no matter how hard they try. Most of all- there was love. All different kinds of love between all different kinds of people, and it was the main focus of the celebration.

We celebrated love because we can.

And because we must.

This morning as we said our goodbyes, I told Nathan the best marriage advice that I had.

 

'Your marriage is perfect.'

 

He laughed because this sounds hefty. And a little ridiculous. People usually say the opposite- 'no marriage is perfect'. I think people say that to take the pressure off of the partnership.

And I guess I should qualify my statement:

'Your marriage is perfect...for you.'

The ups and downs. The fears and insecurities. The hilarious stories and moments full of side-splitting laughter. These are what make a perfect marriage.

These moments are yours and no one else's.

This marriage is yours and no one else's.

In a world of social media and reality tv, it can be easy to compare yourself to other people. To compare your marriage to other marriages.

If you can avoid that, and remember that your marriage is perfect...for you, it truly will be.

Yesterday, my friend married his love, and I'm so happy for him and his perfect marriage.

 

May our dreams forever continue.

 

2004 and 2016

2004 and 2016

Nicaragua - Day 14 - Reflection

I don’t even know what exactly happened these last two weeks. 

A few months ago - my friend Angie invited me to go with her organization (Intake Music) to Nicaragua to share and exchange music.

Without pause, I said yes.

Two weeks ago, I found myself on a plane, on my way to Managua, to a country I’d never been, to sing songs I’d never sung, wondering what the hell I was doing. I wasn’t haven’t second thoughts. I just had no idea what was going on, or what to expect.

 

These two weeks were incredible.

I sang with and for cultural legends, that have changed the political, spiritual and emotional landscape and history of Nicaragua.

I served as an official ambassador for the United States, as a part of a delegation brought in my the US Embassy. 

I met children that love music as much as I do.

I met college students, who are working as hard as I did at St. Olaf College, with far fewer resources. They’re just as inspired, just as big of dreamers, and have huge hopes.

I visited barrios with no electricity, and homes with plastic garbage bags for walls.

I visited the US Embassy for the fanciest press conference I’ve ever seen in real life.

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I had no idea that I’d ever experience any of these things. And here I am, on day 14, on the other side of the experience, looking back, and thinking - I know so much more now than I did two weeks ago.

I learned a lot about Nicaraguan politics and history.

I learned what it felt like to be censored. (More on that another time!)

I learned more Spanish.

I learned to play with different rhythms and styles.

And most importantly I learned more about my plan.

 

More about my purpose.

More about why I’m here.

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I don’t mean for this blog to be self-important and purely about self-discovery, but aren’t we all in a constant state of self-discovery? 

The more we learn about our surroundings, our world, and the people around us, the more that we can understand our place in things.

The more we can understand how we can be of service and how we can contribute to the world.

 

This is a good thing.

This is a great thing.

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I’ve always felt that it’s been my purpose to get the world singing. It’s why I’ve always felt a kinship with Pete Seeger.

But to me - that doesn’t quite include everything that I do. That I want to do. It doesn’t include all of the ways that I want to help people who need it.

This trip helped me realize that not only do I want to get everyone in the world singing…I want to help everyone in the world have a life worth singing about.

 

I want my fellow musicians, singers, and artists to have space to create, and have enough food to eat.

I want them to feel the freedom of true artistic expression, and be able to afford their school uniforms.

I want them to know the joy of creating art - literally making something that has never existed before - just as much as I want them to know the joy of having a proper place to sleep at night.

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The clarity that I gained from this trip, the further understanding of my mission in life - I'm so grateful.

I grew a lot and learned a lot on this trip.

 

Thank you, Nicaragua.

 

 

 

 

Building our Community Choir at NicaPhoto in Nagarote.

Building our Community Choir at NicaPhoto in Nagarote.

Building our Community Choir at the Norwalk/Nagarote Sister City Project.

Building our Community Choir at the Norwalk/Nagarote Sister City Project.

The view of Momotombo from Sunrisa de Dios, a barrio in Nagarote.

The view of Momotombo from Sunrisa de Dios, a barrio in Nagarote.

Momotombo and Momotombito - the first volcanos I've ever seen!

Momotombo and Momotombito - the first volcanos I've ever seen!

How many kids can fit on one yoga mat?

How many kids can fit on one yoga mat?

Everyday the kids would ask when we could sing and when we could do "la yoga".

Everyday the kids would ask when we could sing and when we could do "la yoga".

With my fellow dread queens at our first concert!

With my fellow dread queens at our first concert!

The kids on their first tour - we brought them by bus to the next town, Leon.

The kids on their first tour - we brought them by bus to the next town, Leon.

First tour - you think we were excited??

First tour - you think we were excited??

Exchanging CDs with Carlos Mejia Godoy.

Exchanging CDs with Carlos Mejia Godoy.

Singing a setting of one of his most famous poems to the maestro himself, Ernesto Cardenal.

Singing a setting of one of his most famous poems to the maestro himself, Ernesto Cardenal.

Featured in Nicaragua's main paper.

Featured in Nicaragua's main paper.

Performing on Nicaragua's equivalent of Better Connecticut!

Performing on Nicaragua's equivalent of Better Connecticut!

Singing Nicaragua, Nicaraguita, with the composer himself, Carlos Mejia Godoy.

Singing Nicaragua, Nicaraguita, with the composer himself, Carlos Mejia Godoy.

Our final concert on our final night at Casa de Mejia Godoy in Managua, Nicaragua.

Our final concert on our final night at Casa de Mejia Godoy in Managua, Nicaragua.

Promoting stories of art and humanity will be my antidote to this election cycle. Please join me.

Promoting stories of art and humanity will be my antidote to this election cycle. Please join me.